I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
