Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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