Did you just see the Batmobile???
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
