Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
