Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
