I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
