he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
