I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
