I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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