Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he high fived his dick after we had sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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