Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
