i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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