i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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