Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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