I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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