I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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