He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
