So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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