What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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