drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
