I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
