Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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