The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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