Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
