this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
