I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
