there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
