You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
