um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
