I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
