Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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