i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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