I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
