We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
