There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
