I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They took my balls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
