I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
