If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
