she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
