My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
