so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
