I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
