sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
