We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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