There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
