I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
