I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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