It's like God shit irony all over that family
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
