AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
