oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
